i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
