You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I want to walk on stilts...naked
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
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