My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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