At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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