Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I love you. Go after that dick
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
