dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize
