it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize
