I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
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we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
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