That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
