Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
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