Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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