i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
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