I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
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