my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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