One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
We don't watch enough power rangers
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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