got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
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Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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