just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
