A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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