Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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