Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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