talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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