I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
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we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
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I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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