this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
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