I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
