i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Randomize
