Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize