I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
