He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
