Heybabeimwearingurpanties
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
