I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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