this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
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