we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
