I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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