she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
How does one acquire holy water?
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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