Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
home. puking in laundry basket.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Randomize
