i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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