There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
I want to stick my p in your. b.
I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
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