why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Randomize
