I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Randomize
