i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
