Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
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I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Someone shattered a urinal.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
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The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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