Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
