$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
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When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
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I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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