I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
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