My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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