Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Randomize
