I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
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