the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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