What did we do last night that was yellow?
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
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