So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
home. puking in laundry basket.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I have surprise drugs for everyone
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Randomize
