3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
