I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
