Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
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