i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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