Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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