yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
as a side note pls kill me
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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