On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
