Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
