I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
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