How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
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