The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
