Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Randomize
